New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
