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I am in a vortex of obligation.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
