didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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