dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
