I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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