Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
