So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
