Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
