At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.