honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.