You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
11/10 would buy him a McLobster