I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying