i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW