i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
