Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
