I looked at my own cervix.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
