FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
