we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
