Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've blown a few things in my day
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
