I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
