did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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