I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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