if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
