Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
