I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
