So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
