it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
