he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
