I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
