Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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