There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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