So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
