HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
