i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your penis caused this!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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