I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
