using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
