sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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