my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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