I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize