Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't deserve a penis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
