some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
