Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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