I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
