shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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