I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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