they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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