Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
