Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
