My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
