Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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