Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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