Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
