I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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