**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
