Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
