He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
