why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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