omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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