i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
