i would punch a child for taco bell
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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