Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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