READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can't special order awesome
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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