Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
