She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
