i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
