Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
