drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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