Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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