no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
