So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
