Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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